1. Tell us about yourself.
Hi I’m Wang!
Lawyer, pilot, carer of a tiny human, and a bisexual/queer woman.
2. When and how did you realise that polyamory/ENM was a thing and you could transition into this lifestyle?
Polyamory was ingrained in me since I was very young, or at least the feeling of monogamy was never normal for me, and have not had the experience of being in a traditional monogamous relationship either. I realized somewhere in 2001 or 2002 that I could really love and be committed to more than one person, it was around when I was starting middle school.
Had various lovers in university, but started officially being committed to more than one person 8 years ago. At this current moment I still have the three partners that I’m in a long-term relationship with.
3. What kind of polyamory/ethical nonmonogamy are you currently practicing?
Would say the way I love, is relationship anarchy style and prefer a kitchen table polyamory set-up if we can have one, but garden party as a default. I love sharing my life with someone and mainly looking for people who want the same, but I’m open in learning and taking any shape or form a relationship can be and explore the magic in each situation.
4. Tell us about a time in the past when you treated someone / did something in a way that makes you feel bad now looking back. What happened, how did the involved parties react, how did the situation get sorted out?
A previous partner overestimated his transition with his own partner, we dated for a couple of months by then, and in the end I felt things were not right from the other side of the V, so I/we had to depart on a high note in the middle of NRE.
The person in question kept coming back telling me over and over that he and his partner worked on it by offering something with huge disrespect. In a way he felt he was trying, because he came from a mononormative dynamic that came with lack of skill and experience, but didn’t want to lose me. Which I can understand from his side.
For the last two years I had rebuffed him constantly, because I was deeply hurt and blamed him for all the mess. I felt I had all the right, because he was setting the tone for the sloppy dyad we were in, while I went in with good faith. Blaming didn’t help, it causes separation instead of repairing.
We had a date recently after not seeing each other for more than two years – which was quite a liminal space – so we made the decision in trying to reconnect, taking it slow and rebuild trust. I have no indication how it is going to go, but I will accept all roads with open arms.
5. Tell us how you switched to ENM.
No switching, just a natural form of being.
6. Tell us about one of your most significant positive ENM experiences.
Hard to pin point one thing, because most of my experiences have all been so mystical. My partners come with so many different skills and personalities which is a perk in itself. But would say that I was very hard-lined in my stance about having certain dynamics, while overtime I grew more soft in learning from any special person that comes into my life. For example, I have always wanted to have long-term stable and frequent partners where I could grow old with them, but life and circumstances happen and I’m open to having comet relationships now as well. They’re still a very significant part of my life, just different.
7. How has polyamory changed you? How are you different today compared to when you switched to ENM? What did ENM give you, what did it take away from you?
Have always been very open about it to the people in my orbit that monogamy was certainly not for me. It does feel very liberating to not feeling restricted to conform to the social structures of monogamy in my immediate environment. If any, it gave me a lot, and my life is so big right now!
8. Share with us any of your boundaries that help you navigate in ENM.
I am at stage now where I am not wanting to have the hassle of people who are new to poly. So I wouldn’t date any person that is going through transition anymore and date established and stable people only.
For the poly-neophytes, if you are practising polyamory as a love-style, mainly doing a lot of research before diving in and giving yourself time and space to get around to it, listen to your own wants and needs and don’t be afraid to bow out of any situation. Suggest for open communication, no DADT, no monogamous people unless they can truly be mono-amorous to you, but that dynamic is very rare.
9. Do you have difficulties fitting into society in any way due to your ENM lifestyle? How is this choice of yours accepted by your wider family/friends circle?
Not really, everyone knows. Even people in my work field. People around me are so wonderful that they want to learn about it and learn the taxonomy that comes with it, at least the ones I’m close with. It’s mostly that the choice is theirs. You can either accept it or not. I have no interest in editing my speech or behaviour, as I come from a very liberal society.
Society in general I find it has been a very positive experience as I meet people from all walks of life. It’s mostly about how you bring the message, not the message itself. So talking to strangers frequently about polyamory, discussing the do and don’ts and raise some awareness has been great. Some even were thinking they might be polyamorous themselves.
10. Is there anything in ENM lifestyle that you find difficult? Tell us about it.
Scheduling. Life gets to us, so flexibility, planning and the willingness to commit through challenges kind of need to be there if you are opting for something more than casual. And knowing your own bandwidth is very important, what you can and cannot have in your stress-bucket and over-extend yourself.
11. Describe your efforts and best practices in terms of STD prevention. What are your safety recommendations ENM-wise?
Assessing situations by open communication and get regular testing, I am quite poly-saturated and polycule is pretty much “closed”, but when a partner or metamour is going to date someone new I expect to be updated.
12. Share your best practices that you follow at ENM and why they are important to you.
I have always loved my autonomy and freedom, so I wouldn’t compromise on my core values ever. Always stay open with your communication, try to stay flexible, ask a lot of questions before entering a new relationship to see if your energy and situation matches. Every dyad is different.
Most important is to stay true to yourself. Don’t try to fit someone or something that is not, but try to see if you can meet somewhere in the middle and if not, just bow out. There are billions of people on this planet.
13. What did we miss to ask you that is important? Place the question and answer it
N/A
Note from People of poly: The interviews are published unedited in the original language in which they were conducted. The interviews are translated by a non-professional.
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